Let’s be honest—parenting is one of the most rewarding and challenging jobs out there. There’s no manual, no one-size-fits-all approach, and every child is wonderfully unique. But one approach that’s consistently shown to help kids thrive emotionally, socially, and even academically is positive parenting.
So, what exactly is positive parenting?
At its core, positive parenting is about building a strong, respectful relationship with your child. It focuses on encouragement rather than punishment, guidance rather than control, and connection rather than correction. It’s not about being permissive or letting kids do whatever they want—it’s about setting clear boundaries while also nurturing their emotional needs.
Think of it like this: instead of saying, “Stop whining!” you might say, “I hear that you’re upset. Can you tell me what’s bothering you?” It’s a small shift, but it teaches kids that their feelings are valid and that they can express themselves in healthy ways.
Here are a few key principles of positive parenting:
1. Connection Comes First
Children are more likely to cooperate when they feel connected to their parents. That means spending quality time together, listening without distractions, and showing empathy. Even just 10 minutes of undivided attention a day can make a big difference.
2. Set Clear, Consistent Boundaries
Kids need structure—it helps them feel safe. Positive parenting doesn’t mean avoiding discipline; it means using discipline that teaches rather than punishes. For example, if a child throws a toy, instead of yelling, you might say, “Toys are for playing, not throwing. Let’s try that again.”
3. Encourage, Don’t Shame
Praise effort, not just results. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” try, “I saw how hard you worked on that puzzle!” This builds resilience and a growth mindset. And when mistakes happen (as they will), use them as learning opportunities rather than moments for shame.
4. Model the Behavior You Want to See
Kids are always watching. If you want them to be kind, respectful, and patient, show them what that looks like. That doesn’t mean being perfect—it means being honest, apologizing when you mess up, and showing how to handle emotions in healthy ways.
5. Stay Calm and Consistent
Easier said than done, right? But staying calm during tough moments helps your child regulate their own emotions. If you lose your cool (and we all do sometimes), it’s okay to pause, take a breath, and try again.
Positive parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present. It’s about guiding your child with love, understanding, and firm boundaries. And the best part? It strengthens your relationship with your child, helping them grow into confident, compassionate, and emotionally intelligent adults.
So next time you’re in the middle of a parenting challenge, take a deep breath and ask yourself: “How can I respond with connection and guidance?” You might be surprised at how powerful that shift can be.
Resources:
Triple P – Positive Parenting Program Orange County – An approach to parenting that gives tools and strategies for raising children in an environment that is safe, loving and predictable.
Every Parent OC - A local resource that provides important health information and community resources for young families.
Bright Life Kids – A CalHOPE program by Brightline that offers free personalized support for California families.
Soluna – Free resources and support for California youth and young adults age 13-25.
About Dr. Lauren Schooner
Dr. Lauren Schooner is a Board-Certified Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and is the treating psychiatrist at the Program for Assertive Community Treatment (PACT) and at the Clinical Evaluation and Guidance Unit (CEGU) at the Juvenile Hall for the OC Health Care Agency. She works with various community programs including the Human Trafficking Subcommittee and holds a position on the Child Maltreatment and Violence Committee through the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists (AACAP). She also regularly teaches and supervises physicians-in-training in the fields of child and adolescent psychiatry, adult psychiatry, pediatrics and family medicine about topics and themes related to mental health along the entire life spectrum.
